But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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