Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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