I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
