I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
