FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
