mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
