then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
