i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
