What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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