So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wish there were birth control emojis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
