Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
