Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
