i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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