Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
