Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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