at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
