sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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