The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
