On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
