I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
