MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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