grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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