so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
