She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
