Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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