i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
