I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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