Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
