i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
