My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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