i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
