i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
