maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
