I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
