I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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