Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
