Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
