I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
