I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
