you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
