Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
