I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
