alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
