u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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