her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
