I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize