i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
