just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
