I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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