I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
