so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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