you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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